Tag: Republican

None For You

Giving your political goals a catchy nickname doesn’t always work.

Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society wasn’t so great.

The GOP’s Contract with America didn’t accomplish much (beyond getting Republicans elected, of course).

And Joe Biden’s Build Back Better Plan was briefly hailed “as the most transformational social spending package in modern American history [but] is now nothing more than an ambitious memory.”

Yes, Americans have decided that they don’t want the government to build back anything, because that smacks of, you know, socialism. So instead of actually solving problems or investing in the country, we will continue to hurl tax dollars at billionaires and hope that they treat us nice.

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New World Disorder

For decades, conservatism was essentially a commitment to traditional values and ideas, combined with a hesitation to rapid change. Basically, stodgy old men kept society from evolving too quickly.

The benefit of this philosophy has always been lost on me. After all, what’s so noble about futilely resisting innovation while upholding harmful traditions? However, it was at least a coherent and principled approach. 

Modern conservatism, however, consists of Republicans claiming “an exemption from any generally applicable rule they do not wish to follow, while imposing their own religious and ideological views on those who do not share them.”

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A Murderous Theory

The “woke mob” didn’t kill 10 people in Buffalo. 

A transgender swimmer didn’t kill 10 people in Buffalo. 

A teacher talking about CRT didn’t kill 10 people in Buffalo. 

No, the biggest menace to Americans continues to be an angry white man echoing Fox News talking points.

In this case, the justification for mass homicide was a favorite among conservatives: replacement theory. 

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Once More Unto the Breach

If, for some horrific and highly implausible reason, you found yourself on the front line of a combat zone, ready to charge into battle, and you glanced over and saw me standing next to you, I doubt you would feel comforted. 

That’s because I believe in nonviolence, so I wouldn’t be there shrieking war cries and boasting how I was going to drink my enemies’ blood. I would more likely be trying to figure out how to avoid shooting myself or anybody else, and this is not the quality you want in a soldier.

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The Reality of Our Surroundings

There are no rapists in Texas.

We know this is true because last year, soon after the Lone Star State passed its wildly misogynistic anti-abortion ban, its governor said the law didn’t need an exemption for rape victims, because he was going to eliminate that crime in Texas.

However, the ensuing months have shown that this master plan has worked about as well you would have expected. Which is to say, it hasn’t worked at all.

Of course, such idiotic, outlandish, and flat-out insane statements from Republican officials are not surprising. On the contrary, for GOP leadership, they appear to be required.

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Subjugation

They’re coming for you. 

OK, I don’t know exactly who “they” are, but trust me, if you are a Republican, you’re next.

Yes, the “ludicrous idea that conservatives are particularly oppressed has been a theme of right-wing activism at large throughout the Trump era.” And we have now reached the logical conclusion of a political movement based upon fictional persecution, which is that “all of American life is a woke hellscape” that true patriots must vanquish.

For example, if a thuggish teenager murders a couple of leftists in the street, he becomes an “avatar of this imagined oppression for the next generation of conservatives,” who are outraged that “the system dared put him on trial for it.” Similarly, lunatics who stormed the capitol are the real victims of the January 6 riot, because some of them might miss their Caribbean vacations.

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Tribalism

Our self-identity forms our core.

For example, you might consider yourself to be a radical vegan who aligns herself with the needy.

Perhaps you’re a high-powered corporate exec whose net worth and golf handicap are numbers that measure your very existence.

Or you could be a Gen X Latino progressive who loves Korean horror movies and has a thing for Kate Winslet.

Yeah, maybe.

But one thing is highly likely: You see your “political affiliation not as a choice but as an identity; that is, something not subject to change with time.”

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On Life Support

Some trends last longer than others.

For example, parachute pants were an instant joke and truly popular for about a week. Celebrity-owned restaurants were hot for a few years, and then we moved on. 

In contrast, classic rock had an incredible run. Whole generations grooved to the same 300 songs, until hip-hop and other genres finally vanquished the sound.

However, let me point out that Led Zeppelin still rules.

In any case, the list of fads and wacky trends that have run their course has a new entry. And that dying fad is democracy. 

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Smokescreen

Listen, you wouldn’t teach advanced calculus to second-graders, would you? Nor would you make metaphysics part of the curriculum for nine-year-olds. Therefore, it makes sense to ban teaching critical race theory (CRT) in grade school.

As we all know, CRT “is an academic study at the undergraduate and graduate level that aims to examine the role of racism in the modern era and the ways it has become woven into the social fabric.” Virtually no grade schools are teaching CRT, but you can’t be too careful. Some overzealous teachers out there, somewhere, might abruptly thrust college-level academics onto their unsuspecting grade schoolers, so we need legislation to make sure that doesn’t happen. 

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Craving Chaos

If you can’t beat ‘em, kill ‘em.

You would be forgiven if you believed that this was the GOP slogan for the midterms. After all, the modern conservative movement is not about lower taxes, traditional values, or all the other supposed principles that long obscured the right-wing predilection for violence. No, the Republican Party has quit the exhausting task of hiding its affinity for head-bashing, and instead, conservatives are openly celebrating mayhem. 

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