Hispanic Fanatic

If you have ever wanted to live like a James Bond villain in your own island lair, I have good news for you.

For the low price of several bajillion dollars, you can buy “a maximum security compound in which to ride out the coming plague, solar storm, or electric grid collapse,” whichever apocalyptic event comes first.

OK, maybe you don’t have a spare several million to drop on a high-tech sanctuary from which to survive the “environmental collapse, social unrest, nuclear explosion, unstoppable virus, or malicious computer hack that takes everything down.”

That just means you don’t love your family, because you are sentencing them to death in the inevitable Armageddon headed our way. 

But don’t worry. Because rich people will be just fine.

Yes, our favorite 1 percent of the population — the uber-wealthy — are striving to insulate “themselves from the very real and present dangers” that in many cases, they helped to create. 

Whether they made their money by destroying the environment or fomenting societal upheaval, billionaires are buying bunkers, hoarding resources and even creating private compounds in New Zealand (proving once again that rich oligarchs may praise right-wing enclaves like Hungary, but they actually want to live in a stable, socially liberal country).

These plutocrats are trying to “break the laws of physics, economics, and morality to… escape from the apocalypse of their own making.”

And they can afford it. Since the pandemic, the top 1% “have captured nearly twice as much new wealth as the rest of the world.”

Of course, there are many Americans who hero-worship the rich, and they are perfectly fine with sacrificing themselves if it means that an affluent buffoon will continue to live in luxury even if society collapses.

That sounds like an exaggeration, but witness how many poor Americans continue to vote Republican despite the GOP’s admission that it wants to destroy any semblance of a social safety net, give more money to billionaires, and allow the rich to “exploit the majority so they can accumulate wealth and move society forward as they wish.” 

A large percentage of Americans struggle to pay their bills, but shriek that any effort to make wealthy narcissists contribute more is “class warfare” or “socialism” or just morally offensive.

When it comes to opulent show-offs, Americans love “the wild philistinism and the bullying and the offhand cruelty, the compulsive self-aggrandizement and the giddy vengeful sadism.. all of it so oafishly performed that it could not possibly be mistaken for anything but what it is.”

The GOP knows this. So they have leaned into promoting crass morons born into wealth as avatars of the American Dream. 

Republicans have long insisted that “democracy and unfettered capitalism always traveled together,” but recently they have “ignored the ‘democracy’ part of that equation and continually doubled down on the idea that the American system means that businesses should be able to do whatever they wished,” while insisting that “any oversight must be Soviet-style communism.”

The result is that Republican legislators will gleefully derail bills to provide free breakfast and lunch for school students because they don’t want kids to get dependent on government. Seriously — this is an actual top GOP priority. Hey, for Republicans, hungry children do not even exist.

So if Republicans get their way, and rich people continue to tear the world down while plotting their escapes, what happens years from now, when only the wealthy can afford to survive?

Well, the truth is that islands are more dependent, not less, on society. So that approach won’t work.

Also, underground bunkers have air filters that break down and require strenuous effort to fix. You really think some pampered blue blood can handle that degree of manual labor?

And when it comes to armed compounds, remember that the hired thugs who protect the wealthy are people too. If the economic system has collapsed and money has no value, do you believe rifle-toting mercenaries are going to protect some rich jerk out of kindness and love?

So no, the wealthy will not survive.

There, don’t you feel better now?

It’s a holiday week, so I’m taking a break, unrelated to my frantic surge to finish my manuscript before my publisher bursts through my front door, shouting, “Where the hell is it?”

No, just a holiday pause.

I will be back next week with a full post.

Until then, here is an AI-generated Shakespearean passage that I created with a random prompt:

To challenge the shadows, it doth yearn, without scope to counterattack

Deluged in confusion, verily, ’tis an abyss to be explored

At her very core, I stand, consumed by her exaggeration’s might

Be honest. You thought that was really Shakespeare, didn’t you?

Enjoy the holiday, and see you next week.

As opposed to many writers, I’ve never suffered from depression. I’m grateful to have avoided this killer.

So does that mean I’m a bubbly, upbeat dude who makes lemonade out of lemons and greets every day with a smile?

OK, I didn’t say that.

I don’t get sad. I get mad. 

People in my life know that I have a short temper. Many of them have told me to relax and not get so angry. 

I find this advice odd, in that you would never tell a depressed person to just cheer up. Yet my negative emotion, anger, is somehow viewed as a choice.

I’m betting before long that we will diagnose chronic fury the same way we diagnose chronic depression. We will have a pill to treat anger that costs too much and comes with devastating side effects.

Until then, more Americans like me will continue to battle high blood pressure and a propensity for tirades.

One factor that triggers rage — not just in me, but in many people — is stress. This malady is so malicious that it can change the body at a cellular level. And Americans are more stressed than ever.

A recent study found that over half of Americans suffer financial stress. Massive numbers of Americans, especially ethnic minorities, suffer from health conditions that stress their bodies. And our “unequal society contributes to people in the United States aging quicker, becoming sicker, and dying younger.”

Yes, we like to proclaim America as the land of opportunity. But in reality, it has become the land of unrelenting stress and punishing inequality.

How unequal are we? Consider that “students’ standardized test scores rise with their parents’ incomes — and disparities start years before students sit for tests.”

Also consider that the United States “continues to underperform on an annual list that ranks inclusivity as experienced by marginalized groups in countries across the globe.” Currently, the United States “ranks 118th in the world for racial inclusion.”

It doesn’t exactly make you want to shout, “USA! USA!” 

To top off this survey of our stressful nation, please note that stress can begin in the womb, accumulate through difficult childhoods, and cascade right into adulthood. So yes, a whole generation of kids are currently being set up for stressful, miserable lives.

And as a final insult, studies show that people who believe in conspiracy theories are more likely to be suffering from stress. That explains a lot about the America that we live in.

Is it any wonder that I feel so angry all the time?

It’s time for another update on how my fellow Latinos are doing.

First, the good news. 

Ongoing efforts to mobilize Latino voters are paying off, and Hispanics are poised “to become a consequential voting bloc influencing contested races in the 2024 presidential election.”

So instead of leaving it to Black women to save America over and over again, perhaps we Latinos can step up for democracy this time.

Your other bit of good news is that scientists are testing new technology on immigrant workers that will “send alerts when the core body temperature rises critically or when other alarming signals indicate heat stress.” The innovation could save the lives of many Latin American immigrants, who often toil in brutal heat to keep the nation’s economy humming.

But that leads to the bad news.

You see, recent studies have shown that Latino kids in states with more anti-immigrant laws “are in poorer health.”

Yes, bigotry is lethal. The study found that Latino children living in states with more anti-immigrant laws and policies—and its “resulting inequities in access” —are more likely to suffer chronic physical health conditions and mental health issues.

On a related note, Latino kids nationwide are also being kept ignorant about their own history.

Recent research has shown that “most of the seminal events” in U.S. Latino history “are not a subject of study in high schools across the country.” The study found that “87% of key Latino topics were either not covered in U.S. history textbooks or were mentioned in just five or fewer sentences.”

And speaking of education, you will be disconcerted to discover that over half of Latino college students considered dropping out last year, which is a substantial increase since 2020 and comes “after Hispanics had made significant gains in higher education.”

As if that weren’t enough, another study has shown internecine strife among Latinos. The study says that most Latinos who struggle with Spanish say another Latino “has made them feel bad for it.” So it’s bad enough that we have white supremacists targeting us. But here is fresh proof that we can be our own worst enemy.

Take it from someone whose abuela was constantly muttering “sin verguenza” about my lack of fluency. That attitude doesn’t magically make someone bilingual. 

Well, that’s about it. As usual, the bad news seems to outweigh the good.

Oh, and one more thing. The recent surge in hate crimes, which includes spikes in antisemitism and Islamophobia, also includes a “significant increase” against Latinos.

So there’s that.

Aren’t you glad that I led off with the good news?

OK, I’ve almost finished the manuscript for my upcoming book. But for the final push, I need to take another week off from posting to this website. This really should be the last time.

So in lieu of writing a fresh post, I have asked AI to discuss how to survive a ninja attack.

I’m sure you will find AI’s advice both intriguing and highly relevant. Here it is:

Never look a ninja directly in the eyes. 

Have at least two weapons within arms’ reach in case one gets compromised. 

Hire some professional bodyguards who can protect you from ninjas.

Learn some elite counter-assassination techniques that can help you defend yourself against ninjas.

If all else fails, you can resort to a nuclear explosion to wipe out the ninjas. However, this is a very risky and extreme option that should only be used as a last resort. 

I hope these tips will help you survive a ninja attack. Stay safe and vigilant! 

Americans are huge. Like really big.

We all know this. In places like my home state of Wisconsin, it seems like more people are obese than not.

But we also know that help is on the way. For example, the wonder drug Ozempic has shown amazing results in helping people lose weight. 

And that’s not all it can do. Some studies imply that Ozempic can curb addictive cravings and behaviors. 

Wow, that is some pharmaceutical breakthrough. It just goes to show you how American ingenuity and hard work can…

What’s that? Ozempic isn’t an American drug?

Nope, it is made in Denmark, and it is having such a massive impact worldwide that it is reshaping that country’s economy.

Now, I have no interest in peddling Ozempic. I just find it interesting that this astonishing drug didn’t come from America.

After all, we constantly hear that the reason Americans pay so much for prescriptions is because drug companies need that money to fund their research and development. In fact, Americans spend more on prescription drugs per capita than citizens in any other country.

So all that cash must be funding some life-changing meds, right? Actually, research has shown that there is “no relationship between what pharmaceutical companies spend on R&D and what they charge for new medicines.” The record profits aren’t going to the development of new drugs. They are going to the executives and the companies’ bottom lines.

And Big Pharma isn’t just rifling through American wallets. It’s also raiding the US Treasury. 

Last year, the eight biggest drug companies paid just above 2% in US taxes on a combined $110 billion in profits. Hey, Pfizer even got a tax credit.

So with all that cash, why didn’t any American drug companies invent Ozempic? This medicine wasn’t developed in our uber-capitalist free market (which is really just a rigged economic model for big corporations, with nothing “free” about it).

This drug came from semi-socialist Scandinavia, the supposed failed states of the North Atlantic that conservatives hate.

It’s almost like giving enormous corporations boatloads of money doesn’t benefit the average citizen.

But don’t worry. I’m sure the next time you desperately need medication, the heavily subsidized pharmaceutical companies of America will hand it over to you for cheap. 

And if you believe that, you must be taking some serious drugs.

Perhaps you’ve seen one of those AI-generated images of Trump as a muscular he-man. Frequently, they present our disgraced ex-president as decked out in military gear, or leading a heroic charge of some kind, or just looking all tough and blue-collar.

The caption is usually something like “Liberals are afraid of masculinity.”

Actually, what we’re afraid of is horrible AI-generated art created by insecure bigots who are so oblivious that they don’t recognize their pathetic self-owns.

You see, conservatives have been reduced to creating AI images of their imaginary tough warrior guy—the leader they wished they had—rather than acknowledge that in reality, their hero is an obese golfer who has never even exerted himself. 

What could be sadder than plastering your social media feed with laughably fake images based on your delusional hopes and dreams?

Hey, I dabble with AI images as well. But I don’t insist they represent reality.

For example, here is an image I created based on the prompt “The new superheroes face their toughest challenge.”

OK, that’s damn freaky.

How about we try that same prompt again?

Wait — who are all these Harry Potter-looking dudes, and why are they hanging out with a gun-toting skeleton? 

I have no idea, but it’s pretty cool.

The only thing that’s missing is an AI-generated image of a muscle-bound Joe Biden fighting Nazis with his bare hands.

You know—like in the real world.

There is nothing intelligent to say about a massacre.

—Kurt Vonnegut

I know the basics about the Middle East. But that’s about it. I certainly can’t speak with any authority about the history, culture, or political issues that roil the place.

But I know America, and I see that antisemites are using the Israeli government’s oppression of the Palestinians as a cover for how much they hate Jews. And I see that Islamaphobes are citing the grotesque actions of terrorists as a cover for how much they hate Muslims.

It doesn’t matter if you live in Jerusalem or New Jersey, we are all subjected to the violent whims of people who insist that their race, culture, or god is the best and far superior to those heathens living next door.

And there appears to be no end in sight to this sociopathic commonality among humans.

There is nothing intelligent to say about it.

So it’s October, and in the spirit of Halloween, I’m going to write something scary.

Ha—you thought I was going to shout, “GOP!” or “MAGA agenda!”

That crossed my mind. But aside from the fact that it’s an obvious setup, I don’t have the time or energy to list all the terrifying ways that Republicans are trying to destroy this country. Also, some of their horrifying ideas are so ludicrous that they veer into black comedy or parody. And believe me, these guys are no laughing matter. 

But the chief reason is because I have to take my monthly break from writing posts to focus on my book, which has a deadline of mere weeks from now.

So instead I present you with this real-life horror show. 

South America is home to the ghost bird, a predator that looks like this:

Again, this is a real animal.

Sleep easy knowing that this flies through the air at night.

I will be back next week with a full post.

By now, you’ve seen the poll that says Trump is leading Biden by 20 points among young voters.

This is, of course, ludicrous. Trump isn’t leading by 20 points in any demographic other than geriatric religious zealots with a penchant for authoritarianism, bigotry, and conspiracy theories.

Aside: watch for the mainstream media’s think pieces on how that demographic could sway the election.

In any case, young voters are not turning to Republicans, and conservatives know it. Why else do you think the GOP wants to raise the voting age and make it harder for Gen Z to vote?

The truth is that “Republicans are losing across the country, even in historically red areas [because] abortion bans, climate denial, gun idolatry, anti-democratic behavior, and extremism has lost them entire generations of Americans.” 

And that is especially true of the younger generation. But it’s not just college kids that are anti-GOP. It’s entire college towns and whole counties.

A recent study revealed that the “growing population in America’s highly educated enclaves has led to huge gains for the Democratic Party.”

For example, my alma mater — the University of Wisconsin-Madison — is located in Dane County, which has such a high percentage of liberal voters that it “has become a Republican-killing Death Star.”

That fact alone is enough to make me shout, “On Wisconsin!”

And my old school is not an outlier, unlike those idiotic polls that Sunday morning commentators are drooling over. You see, research shows that “in state after state, fast-growing, traditionally liberal college counties like Dane are flexing their muscles, generating higher turnout and ever greater Democratic margins.”

One supposes that Republicans might try to reverse this trend by appealing to students and young people. In true GOP fashion, however, they are instead “targeting students’ voting rights, creating additional barriers to voter access, or redrawing maps to dilute or limit the power of college communities.”

Basically, if you can’t beat ‘em, block ‘em.

Republicans are confused about why their demonization of ethnic minorities would bother the most racially diverse generation in American history. They are perplexed over why young people are annoyed that Baby Boomers have hoarded the wealth and now lecture them regularly and vociferously about how ignorant, spoiled, and lazy they are. The GOP is irked that those darned kids aren’t willing to get gunned down in their classrooms in the name of the Second Amendment. Conservatives are flummoxed over why theocracy isn’t popular with people who are the least religious group in the country. MAGA types are befuddled over why Gen Z might be angry about inheriting an unlivable planet and a wrecked democracy.

Yeah, it’s a real puzzler.