Hispanic Fanatic

You can imagine my surprise when I found out that I am expendable, along with millions of my fellow Californians.

No doubt you’ve heard that our extremely popular president, during one of his rambling rants in front of a dwindling crowd of his admirers, recently implied that it would be “a small price to pay” if Iran destroyed Los Angeles (where I live) and San Diego.

Wow, if millions of Americans dying is a small price to pay for the illusion of victory in an ill-conceived and idiotic war, then what of the 19 military members who have already died in this botched misadventure? By his logic, their sacrifice must be miniscule, even insignificant. Let’s ask President Tough Talk if that’s true.

In any case, our demented chief executive’s handlers are already insisting that this blabbering, blubbering octogenarian was quoted out of context, leaving the rest of us to wonder what possible context could justify a president who says we should just relax and go along with Armageddon.

Giving a foreign adversary, whom we are currently engaging in warfare, the ok to bomb not one but two major America cities sounds suspiciously like treasonous behavior to me. But apparently, it is not, because according to this administration, treason consists solely of publishing unflattering stories about the president (and only the current one — you can say all the bad shit you want about those losers who preceded him in the White House).

Once again, we see grotesque displays of disdain and contempt, even outright sociopathic hostility, for America coming from people who claim to love America. 

After all, many in that crowd of red-state conservatives applauded the idea of California getting destroyed. A lot of them likely mutter, “never forget” every anniversary of the September 11 attacks, forgetting at least temporarily that most of the victims of that day were blue-state urban dwellers.

Blowing up California is a fantasy to these people who wrap themselves in the flag and proclaim America to be the greatest country in the world, except of course for all the cities and the biggest states (i.e., most of the nation). LA is particularly loathed in MAGA world.

After our unapologetic chief executive wondered aloud if LA and San Diego are disposable, many commentators pointed out that Southern California has multiple military bases and millions of conservative voters.  

This approach reveals two things: first, every psychotic warbling of this president must be rationally refuted rather than condemned outright, and second, lots of Americans are clearly missing the point.

For that latter group of commentators, it’s not that we have a large military presence and conservative enclaves here. It’s that any president who says he is fine with two of America’s largest and greatest cities getting destroyed is a treasonous cretin, or at the very least, subject for removal under the 25^th Amendment.

At this point, our most prominent California hater has defenders who are adopting a familiar and tiresome tactic. This is to praise a clearly bonkers old man as someone who says what he means, except when he says something horrible, then he was joking, except it’s well known that the man has no sense of humor, and when he double downs on the sick “joke,” it means you’re too sensitive over a little racial slur, threat to destroy humanity, indifference to the suffering of Americans, or plot to enrich himself, at which point let’s all change the subject to how great the country is doing under the leadership of religious zealots, ignorant frat boys, and slimy oligarchs.

The good news is that LA, and indeed all of California, will still be here after these guys are out of power (and possibly in jail). We will still be here, gazing at the ocean, hiking in the mountains, and living our lives in the sunshine.

That’s our long-term plan.

Where did this madness originate? 

Some argue that Lyndon Johnson’s signing of civil rights legislation catalyzed the modern conservative movement. Others insist that Nixon’s corruption (which is apparently no big deal in retrospect) created the present-day GOP. And still others (like me, for example) say the roots of our calamity lie in the Reagan Revolution, and that the Gipper really fucked us over in the long run. I’ve also heard commentators identify the ascent of Dan Quayle as the moment that Republicans became un-serious, or the impeachment of Bill Clinton as the launching pad for self-righteous right-wing aggression.

Those are all valid origin stories for the GOP’s current state of hatred, fear, ignorance, and violence.

There is no doubt, however, that the September 11 attacks were the beginning of our modern world. This catastrophe was so cataclysmic, so epoch-defining, that it traumatized people who had no connection to the people or places that suffered devastation. It irrevocably changed our nation.

This week is the 25^th anniversary of this disaster. One might believe this is a solemn time to draw together as a country. But of course, Republicans have no interest in unity, and will use any event, no matter how sacred, to bulldoze a chasm between “us” and “them.”

As you know, several prominent conservatives are demanding that the mayor of New York City, who was duly elected and has high approval ratings, be barred from any September 11 ceremonies because he is way too swarthy and doesn’t eat pork, if you catch my meaning.

It’s bizarre that this is being called a controversy. Because there is nothing “controversial” here. There is no sincere debate or complex argument occurring. There is only unabashed bigotry and the bleating of the politically opportunistic. 

These are loudmouths who are enthralled with nonstop tirades against a changing society. They are hypocritical hatemongers who dismiss every liberal argument as the whining of pampered snowflakes, then insist public ceremonies be altered because they personally feel offended.

These same guardians of American values are not offended, nor even annoyed in the slightest, that their hero, our president of the plummeting popularity, is indulging in a weird form of stolen valor.

Maybe everyone is just used to his constant lying, which brings up the whole issue of why it’s apparently ok for our nation to be held hostage by a man who just makes up crazy shit daily and acts upon it.

That’s one for future historians to ponder.

Back in 2024, even if you weren’t repulsed at the GOP’s horrifying plan for rounding up dark-skinned individuals (and you should have been), taking just two minutes of serious thought would have informed you that deporting millions of people en masse would require a fascistic approach to civil liberties. 

And yet some people are still surprised. 

For example, a septuagenarian Trump voter in Texas is loudly proclaiming to media outlets that Trump is “destroying families,” which again, is not news to anyone who has been paying even a micron of attention. This white conservative now says he regrets his vote because ICE had the temerity, the gall, and the chutzpah to arrest his fiancé, a Latina who no criminal record.

She has lots of company in ICE detention centers, which are chockablock with innocent people who got nabbed by armed masked men with insecurity issues. But until his girlfriend was handcuffed, this guy was all for stuffing people into vans and shooting unarmed citizens.

The shocker isn’t that people like this exist. The ICE armada is so massive that many shortsighted, easily duped supporters of this policy were bound to get caught up in its jackbooted thuggery. Eventually, authoritarianism comes for everybody.

No, the mystifying aspect is that these buffoons are willing, even eager, to go on camera to simultaneously reveal their selfishness, disdain for humanity, and obliviousness that borders on the delusional or idiotic. Hey, if I had fucked up this badly, I would keep it to myself.

There is also the disturbing truth that thousands of Latino activists have been pointing out the cruelty of ICE’s gestapo tactics, with limited media coverage. But one old white guy shouts, “I got something to say about this,” and everybody listens up.

But speaking of people who should have known better, please note that one-quarter of Latino voters who supported Trump in 2024 now say “they would not vote for him again.”

This is a high percentage of regret, although still far short of the 100% who should apologize on a daily basis for their groveling before white supremacy. 

For those three-quarters of Latino GOP voters who are still MAGA supporters, they might want to listen to the conclusion of political experts who say, “Trump has now passed from being a stubborn narcissist to a cocooned authoritarian.” This phrase refers to “leaders who have become so trapped by their own self-regard, so isolated from the outside world, so imprisoned within their own sense of infallibility that they refuse to consider any arguments or information that conflicts with their beliefs.”

This means that “Trump’s irrationality could create other, even more perilous situations” because “like other authoritarians before him, the president has retreated, irrevocably, behind the walls of his own Forbidden City of the mind—a place where he is the emperor, his judgment is always right, and his commands must always be obeyed.”

So if that regretful Trump voter in Texas is waiting for our cocooned authoritarian of a president to apologize, he will be waiting until approximately the end of time. 

Until then, it’s only going to get worse.

In the off chance that you are a MAGA supporter reading this, let me assure you of this:

None of the chaos engulfing America is your fault.

Just because you voted for a felonious rapist who is dragging the country toward autocracy while enriching himself and unleashing misery on the entire world, well, you are not to be held responsible for your choice to return a demented old racist to the White House.

How do I know this?

Well, as far back as Trump’s first election, commentors were falling over themselves insisting that liberals created this mess. The general argument was because progressives dislike racist jokes, all the salt-of-the-earth Americans had no option but to embrace fascism. It really was that simple.

This assumption — that millions of decent Americans were pushed into supporting right-wing insanity because of the woke mob— is still a popular viewpoint.

And it’s not just conservatives who are saying that.

Our old friends the moderate Democrats are insisting that Trump never would have won except for that meddling Bernie Sanders. If only the crazy old man had shut up about wealth inequality and oligarchs crushing us, everything would be great.

Just great. Yup.

The latest form of blaming the left for all things Trumpian presupposes that liberals are wrong to protest or advocate for progressive causes because we come across as too self-righteous or shrill. But we are also wrong to appease or normalizeMAGA demands, because that just encourages them to become more extreme.

OK, got it.

What about using humor to point out the absurdity of this disastrous authoritarian regime? No, we shouldn’t joke either, because that undermines how serious the situation is. But don’t be so serious either because of that first point about coming across as self-righteous.

So don’t say anything. But also reach out to MAGA types to educate them because they deserve our total respect no matter how much they would love to punch us in the face. How we reach out without saying anything is unclear to me.

In any case, the important principle is that progressives are always wrong. Whether we’re using facts to support our case, pointing out the consequences of the GOP agenda, or just asking for police to not shoot unarmed citizens, it’s our fault.

MAGA supporters are not responsible for their own actions, or for the often-sadistic behaviors they gleefully embrace.

It’s those darn leftists who keep pushing conservatives to be more extreme.

Of course, it’s strange that this argument doesn’t work the other way. The many excess of Trump (far more egregious and harmful than anything a liberal politician has proposed) are not carted out as an excuse for progressives moving farther left. Apparently, those liberals who are dabbling with democratic socialism are just whiny babies, and by the way, they are making millionaires feel unloved.

Now, it’s true that no other demographic of adults are ever given this sort of free pass on bad behavior. It’s similar to how struggling white men are never told to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and instead are reassured constantly that the nation will do whatever it can for them (while at the same time telling everybody else to fuck off).

But MAGA is special. Because no matter how much they cheer for the destruction of democracy and the establishment of a fascistic theocracy, it’s an understandable reaction to those real villains: college-educated people who advocate for universal healthcare.

Trump supporters simply have no choice.

As we celebrate (is that even remotely the right word?) our country’s birthday, let’s pause to consider that according to experts, “never before in American history has there been anything like Donald J. Trump, a president who in his first year back in office has collected about $1.4 billion in new revenues from cryptocurrency businesses that directly benefited from his actions as president.”

Yes, the guy who famously pledged to drain the swamp is so overtly corrupt that one has to assume his plan is indulge in massive amounts of grift so “people will not think anything about it is weird.”

Trust me — it’s weird. Also criminal.

In the quaint past, “presidents worked assiduously to show they were not connected to anything that could in any way compromise their decision making or leverage their public virtue.” But in this golden age of MAGA morality, the entire Trump family “has been unapologetic about its aggressive pursuit of profits,” causing historians, political scientists, and anyone who doesn’t watch Fox News to marvel at “the openness, the flagrant nature” of their blatant corruption, which they undertake “almost with pride — cashing in on the office itself” almost daily.

Unless one is delusional or oblivious, it has become “increasingly obvious that the obscene wealth and power of a select few, at the expense of the many, is a feature, not a bug for the Trump years.”

Those who are in on the scam — and that doesn’t include you and me — are “swimming like Scrooge McDuck in a sea of self-dealing and greed that is unprecedented in American history.”

All those pardons for donors, contracts for flunkies, and misuse of inside information are not “a disconnected series of scandals” but a well-coordinated system of depravity.

Yes, our avarice-prone chief executive is fantastically obsessed with money and power (also windmills, for some bizarre reason). But there is more to it. There is a dark psychological neediness. 

You see, the drooling, shuffling occupant of the Oval Office “wants more than anything to be seen as a brilliant man who has always been right about everything when he is transparently a butterfingered dunce whose professional expertise more or less begins and ends at making cutting remarks from a safe distance and directing other people to file nuisance lawsuits on his behalf.” We’re talking about a guy who insists he is a genius (a very stable one) even as the US economy teeters and he loses a war against a much smaller nation led by religious zealots. He proclaims himself to be an unparallelled mastermind, the mighty leader who “knows more about every subject than any expert without even having to study or even pay attention to any of it” despite the overwhelming evidence of his incompetence and his “relentlessly oafish output.”

As others have noted, “the reflecting pool fiasco, in which Trump created the idea there was an emergency, ignored experts, bypassed normal procedures to give a wildly inflated contract to a crony, bragged about his success, ignored the problems, claimed his enemies had sabotaged him, and finally stationed troops around the landmark he had turned into a swamp, represents the Trump administration perfectly.”

That’s the real symbol of America today.

Happy goddamn birthday.

I know. The terms of the ceasefire for the Iran debacle look, shall we say, rather underwhelming.

That’s being polite. You could also say that is the “the worst foreign policy blunder in decades,” which is what Republicans (yes, Republicans!) are calling it. I guess that would make it the biggest US fuck-up since the Iraq War, which was the last time a GOP president invaded the Middle East in a boneheaded, calamitous decision that let to disaster and death.

By the way, why does anyone vote Republican in the hope that the GOP will improve the economy and avoid warfare, when the exact opposite has been true this entire century? But let’s skip that conundrum for now.

Instead, let’s analyze the Trump Doctrine, which can be summarized as an approach that “combines amorality and incompetenceto empower enemies and betray allies, as it dilutes American power in a Dunning-Kruger stew of bluster, arrogance, and stupidity.”

Where’s the lie in that definition?

Everybody knew the Iran War (wait… are we calling it that?) would be a catastrophe. This geopolitical farce is “classic Donald Trump.”

After inflicting misery, this ace negotiator got bored, left the mess for someone else to clean up, declared victory, and wound up with a deal worse for America than before the war began. People who ask, “What was the point of the war?” are still inexplicably blind to the fact that there is no point to anything Trump does, because every decision he makes is based on his selfish, vile instincts and immediate needs.

There was never a point to the war, just like there is no point to all the needless suffering he is inflicting on America’s residents and the global population. He does it because he can and it sounded good at the time.

Now that this “humiliating comedown for him and the nation he leads” appears to be complete, he will move on to some fresh travesty, some other way to desecrate the nation for no good reason. 

There will be no lesson learned here. The guy doesn’t even understand the war he just lost. He has “confirmed America’s capitulation to Iran” while offering the “desperate rationalizations [of] a man who cannot face facts and admit defeat,” leading even the most impartial of observers to wonder if the president of the United States is “losing his grip on reality itself.”

However, there is one possible benefit to this idiotic fiasco. The resulting and completely predictable energy shock “is likely to accelerate a transition to renewables like solar and wind as well as nuclear power,” meaning that a right-wing administration of dullards and fabulists may have done more to jump start green technology than all the touchy-feely eco warriors ever have.

Wow — maybe that was the plan all along. 

Clearly, we are in the presence of a super genius. Yup.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that if we had installed a sock puppet as president in 2025, we would be in better shape today.

A sock puppet, or any inanimate object that made no decisions, would never have implemented idiotic tariffs that ravaged the economy, 

A sock puppet would never have launched a war with Iran for vague, confounding, contradictory, arbitrary, and imbecilic reasons, resulting in widespread death and destruction.

Would a sock puppet steal $1.8 billion dollars from the US Treasury and plan to hand it out to thugs and flunkies beholden only to him? Possibly, but not necessarily.

A president who did nothing would be an improvement on a president who willfully makes mystifying, moronic decisions that seem designed to hurt America.

Unfortunately, we do not have a sock puppet for a chief executive. We have a careening, decaying narcissist who “is not good at wars, economics, or geopolitics” but is “amazingly good at corruption.”

Americans are starting to catch on — about 18 months too late, but they are catching on, nevertheless.

The vilest person to ever be president has an approval rating that is sinking faster than a Tesla dropped into a black hole. The only people who still believe in his insanity are the hardcore base.

But that’s a new problem. You see “Trump’s strategy for power has a tighter and tighter hold on fewer and fewer people.” As MAGA withers and dies, it will become even more toxic, without the nominal need to appeal to anyone but zealots who are quite literally willing to die for this repulsive bigot.

As the right-wing “base of support shrinks, the concentration of primary-voting diehards and Cabinet-level dead-enders in the president’s party will only increase.” This means that the flailing despot’s “threats to upend democracy will only grow more intenseas Trump’s faction of MAGA diehards keeps shrinking.”

Basically, these fascistic fucks will try to take the whole damn country down with them.

I know of no solution to their whiplashing destruction. 

Hell, maybe we can talk them into voting for a sock puppet.

As you know, our most philanthropic of presidents has set up a $1.8 billion fund that will compensate supposed victims of government oppression. This unprecedented, nauseating, and likely unconstitutional decree isn’t just the most overtly corrupt act in presidential history. It is also a moronic and ill-formed idea that even its adherents can’t explain. 

Because it’s unclear who gets the money, I figured why not apply and see what happens? I deserve a few million just as much as a hillbilly insurrectionist does. So here is my application to the fund:

Dear Acting Attorney General Blanche (or Your Utmost Excellency, whichever you prefer):

Recently, you set up a $1.776 billion compensation fund for victims of lawfare and weaponization perpetrated by “political and career federal employees, contractors and agents” who targeted “individuals, groups, and entities for improper and unlawful political, personal, and/or ideological reasons (“Lawfare” and “Weaponization”).

I say it’s about time! No longer will Americans be intimidated by an out-of-control government that clamps down on their freedom of speech. Unless you’re swarthy, of course, because then ICE has the legal right to taser you just for kicks. Or if you’re a comedian who makes jokes about our chief executive, because no one has to right to criticize (all genuflect) President Trump (all rise) ever ever ever. Seriously, don’t even joke about making jokes.

In any case, I seek an award of $8.647 million from the Weaponization Fund. As with your fund amount of $1.776 billion, the amount I am seeking is based purely on punitive damages, backpay, arbitrary symbolism, and vibes.

You may ask about the grounds for my claim. Well, it’s true I don’t have anything as ironclad as storming the capitol, or lying under oath, or committing multiple felonies for the purposes of overthrowing democracy. I mean, the people who did that have it made. Am I right? If only the rest of us had known that it would be so profitable to bludgeon a cop. Alas, it’s all 20/20 hindsight.

No, my claim is based on the many angry emails and vague threats I receive from MAGA types, a few of whom imply that they work for the administration. Again, it’s nothing solid, but let’s be honest, the flunkies you’re going to pick for the commission that approves the payouts are going to be Mr. and Ms. Rubberstamp, so the details don’t matter.

The point is that I have been oppressed for political and ideological reasons. Like, really badly. So send me a big old bagfull of taxpayer-funded money as soon as possible. Let freedom ring, God bless America, ease on down the road, so on and so on.

Thank you for your attention to this matter,

The Hispanic Fanatic

You know that a triangle has three sides, and birds can fly, and fire is hot.

With that kind of independent thinking, you’ll never be a member of the Trump administration.

You see, our favorite band of charlatans, incompetents, and evil nepo-babies are harmful enough because of their zeal for distorting reality and promoting easily disproven nonsense. But the few sane and logical people who support this band of delusional freaks are so intimidated or fearful of losing their jobs that they are going along with grade-A gobbledygook and hardcore claptrap.

For example, pretty much everyone told our easily befuddled president that it was a horrible idea to attack Iran. And they were right. But at the White House, “so many people are afraid of being on the outs that they are just drinking the Kool-Aid and going along with it.” 

Yes, what could be a more powerful encapsulation of brave leadership and moral courage than the phrase “going along with it”? Perhaps that can be their motto.

But it’s not just obsequious toadies at the White House who deny reality. It’s also most conservatives in general.

For example, “rigorous research [has] demonstrated in place after place, decade after decade, that immigration to the U.S. does not cause crime to go up; it may even push it down.

And yet, 85% of Republicans “believe that migrants bring crime to the U.S.,” an erroneous belief that has held steady among conservatives for the last 20 years of polling. Conservatives insist that immigrants are synonymous with crime waves even though “the data shows otherwise.”

Perhaps conservatives would also like to know that in research that stretches back to the 1990s, the US immigrant population has “generated more in taxes than they received in benefits from all levels of government.” Without immigrants, US government public debt at all levels would be nearly twice as high, and the economic contributions of immigrants may have “already prevented a fiscal crisis.”

That hasn’t stopped “major Trump donors” from complaining about immigrant invasions, right before hiring and exploiting Mexican workers illegally.

There are many reasons why Republicans see the world they want to see rather than acknowledge inconvenient reality.

One particularly disturbing theory is that MAGA is nothing more than right-wing fan fiction, and that the participants in this unhinged movement see themselves as players in “a cinematic epic of universal Good versus Evil.” According to this theory, the Trump administration is “far more steeped in storytelling than governing,” and policy is “presented via pop myths.” 

You could argue that the original Trumpian artifact, QAnon, was nothing more than a “popular mixed-reality fan fiction unfolding in real time” that morphed into a “kludgy, byzantine conspiracy saga.” It quickly became “a collaboration between the one in five Americans who believed its core conspiracies, a cottage industry of QAnon content creators, and even a few government officials.”

Hey, maybe the January 6 riots were merely “a fan fiction IRL meetup, a live action role-playing or alternate reality game that some took more seriously than others.”

Somehow that theory doesn’t make me feel any better.

But this disillusionment is the price we pay for living in the real world.

The US is no longer a democracy. 

I know — you thought we were the shining example of this most fabled form of government, when in truth, we are more like a theocracy or oligarchy or kakocracy or, well, some kind of crazycracy.

It’s not just that the Supreme Court has decided that allowing black people to vote is a silly idea. Nor is it that a handful of billionaires have more power than the populations of entire states. 

Those are big-time indicators, but the latest proof comes courtesy of “one of the most credible global sources on the health of democratic nations,” The Varieties of Democracy Institute at Gothenburg University, which reached the “alarming conclusion that the US is hurtling toward autocracy at a faster rate than Hungary and Turkey.” The institute said America is “now back at the worst recorded level since 1965, when US civil rights laws first introduced de facto universal suffrage,” meaning that “all progress made since then has been erased,” and what “we’re seeing now is the most severe magnitude of democratic backsliding ever in the country.”

OK, that’s just one group of eggheads badmouthing the good old US of A. I’m certain that most people still love us. Well, there is the fact that residents of Europe are three times more likely to view the United States as a threat than an ally. 

And there’s the disturbing statistic that about half of Americans believe democracy is functioning poorly in the United States, “marking a sharp decline from several decades ago.” And there is also a growing movement among young people for an absolute monarch to take over America. And… damn, how did we get to this messed-up point?

There are numerous grim milestones, terrifying tipping points, and 20/20 hindsight realizations about when and why America has become a chaotic swirl of violence and hatred led by thugs and incompetents. 

One root cause goes all the way back to the 1970s, when Nixon was forced to resign, but received a pardon rather than doing the hard time that would have served as a warning to would-be despots and petty tyrants.

Ford pardoning Nixon was not the supposed balm that allowed the nation to heal, but the moment when “powerful people in both political parties worked assiduously to ensure that their leaders would escape the consequences of their actions.”

When Mr. Watergate escaped any punishment whatsoever, it jumpstarted the “decades-long backlash among the American leadership class to the idea of accountability.” As a result, we ended up with Trump, a man whose corruption was well-known before he even ran for political office but whose many moral, ethical, and legal transgressions were viewed as ok because he was, you know, rich and stuff.

The only felon ever elected president “has evaded punishment for crimes both low (campaign-finance violations, for which he was convicted, though he will serve no time thanks to his 2024 victory) and high (his attempted overthrow of the federal government in the aftermath of his 2020 election loss, for which he was spared by the Supreme Court’s decision to grant him kingly immunity).”

The adjudicated rapist in the White House “is the product of a society that has worked hard to help the rich and powerful elude punishment for criminal behavior.”

And it’s worked great… for the rich and powerful.

For the rest of us, not so much.