Hispanic Fanatic

You kids might not remember the 9/11 attacks, but I am certainly old enough to recall that horrific day.

I’m also old enough to remember when America had presidents who could speak in full, coherent sentences. But that’s another story.

One aspect of the attack’s aftermath that many people do not remember, or choose to forget, is the Patriot Act. This rabbit punch to our civil liberties was rammed through by Republicans and timid Democrats, all of whom insisted that unless we wanted religious zealots to blow us up repeatedly, we had to agree to be surveilled nonstop. We are still living with the legacy of this panicky response to terrorism.

I also recall more than one conservative in 2001 insisting that we had to racially profile airplane passengers and that we had to be willing to give up some of our freedoms to feel safe.

Well, a quarter-century later, a new breed of conservatives are bravely standing up, renouncing the past, and insisting that… we have to be willing to give up some of our freedoms to feel safe (or at least, not get offended).

You see, “some Republicans who consider themselves defenders of unfettered speech are getting more comfortable with limiting it.” At least one Republican congressman has said, “under normal times, in normal circumstances, I tend to think that the First Amendment should always be sort of the ultimate right” before adding “I don’t feel that way anymore.”

I must admit, I had no idea the First Amendment could be discarded so quickly simply because Republicans aren’t feeling it.

Also, these “normal times” that the GOP is referring to are apparently the Biden years, which pretty much admits that the Trump years are fucked up to the point that authoritarianism becomes the default.

The larger issue, a point that has been made multiple times over multiple decades, is that if anything bad happens, the GOP will melt down and shout, “And now we have to take away all your rights.”

Hell, sometimes nothing bad needs to happen for conservatives to, say, “Stop it with your civil liberties nonsense.” It takes very little for conservatives to jettison the values they claim to uphold. 

That might be because they never believed any of that stuff in the first place.

It’s been more difficult than usual to keep track of all the outlandish conspiracy theories.

Was the shooter a groyper or a trans activist? Is antifa coming to burn your city down? Will taking Tylenol cause your head to explode?

You may have lost track of the myriad rumors that swirl into our minds every day, courtesy of our friend, the internet.

But do you remember this conspiracy theory from a couple of weeks ago?: Trump is near death, and the White House is covering it up.

Yes, it seems like the distant past when everyone was posting pictures of Trump’s hands and asserting body doubles were on the Oval Office and conjecturing like mad. It was so long ago that, back in those halcyon days, we still believed in the First Amendment.

I know — ancient history, right?

Well, the most obnoxious and unpopular person to ever lead a major nation is alive and kicking, thank you very much, and he showed off how non-dead he is by delivering the most unhinged, bizarre, and befuddling speech in the history of the United Nations.

I can assure you that this was no body double, my friends.

However, the rumors have led to the inevitable question about the inevitable end that all of us face. Someday, whether days or years from now, Trump will no longer be around.

Now, I’m not wishing harm upon our illustrious president.

Do you hear that, all you government goons and right-wing busybodies who are scouring the internet for any sign of dissent? I am not wishing harm upon the guy.

In fact, I’ve said many times that I hope old number 47 continues to thrive in great health. I want him to live to be 100, when he will be an ancient and withered symbol of the nation’s descent into insanity and a living refutation to all those people who deny they stood by or applauded while this country spiraled into fascism. Ideally, Trump will celebrate his centenarian birthday in prison, surrounded by his yes men and fellow failed authoritarians.

But I digress.

What happens when Trump exits this mortal coil?

I mean, besides dancing in the streets. That’s a given.

Well, whenever he dies, it will be a liberal plot.

He could keel over a decade from now while eating a cheeseburger, and right-wingers will claim lesbian folk singers poisoned him. The man could impale himself on a golf club in 2040, and conservatives will insist an immigrant college professor speared him.

From a media perspective, he will not go quietly.

His passing will be a landmark in US history. It may be greeted with a collective sigh of relief or a violent attack. It may usher a period of shame and reflection, or it could provoke mass executions.

We don’t really know. Nor do we know what will happen to his most zealous followers, who will have to face life without their domineering daddy figure.

Like all things Trump, I am wary of this development, as unavoidable as it is.

And like all things Trump, there is no way to prepare.

So the authorities have captured the person who allegedly shot that fascist guy last week.

And it turns out the shooter is a gay Latino Muslim immigrant who is chairman of his local antifa chapter.

Wait a second, let me check that. No, he is yet another socially isolated, angry, young white man who grew up in a household that fetishized guns and worshipped the Republican Party.

I know you didn’t see that one coming.

Even though the shooter is not the dark-skinned foreigner that conservatives were literally praying for, that hasn’t stopped them from vowing vengeance. 

Republicans are compiling lists of people who have not expressed the minimum amount of mourning for a bigot that the GOP deems adequate. This is because the Republican Party is against cancel culture and believes strongly in free speech. Yup.

Also, the Trump administration is threatening progressive organizations, because this murder has given them the excuse they have been dreaming about. The White House says unspecified groups face unclear consequences for undetermined crimes. I’m sure the Trumpists will be thoughtful and well-reasoned in their approach. After all, this is the team that just blows up ships in international waters for the hell of it.

And of course, right-wing militants — who need a reason to get violent as much as fire needs a reason to burn — are ready to attack. Even more than usual, these lunatics are prepping for full-on warfare. And as we know, even though conservatives deny it at every turn, right-wing violence is exponentially more common and catastrophic than left-wing violence.

In the midst of all this conservative sturm und drang, myriad conspiracy theories have popped up. Because they must. Seriously, if there has ever been more fertile ground for conspiratorial nonsense than 21-st century America, I would like to know.

The assassination is rumored to be the work of a dark cabal, or an inside job, or the work of a Satanic liberal cult, or simply enough, the Jews (who wind up as the villains in every conspiracy theory). Some internet nutjobs insist the shooting was fake, and that the fascist guy didn’t die at all. I’m surprised that nobody has insisted that it was an elaborate suicide — yet.

With all this mishmashing of fact and fiction, progressives find themselves in an odd place. For the first time in, well, maybe forever, misinformation is beneficial to liberals.

This is because the shooter does not fit the easy profile of an ethnic minority gone savage, or a crazed immigrant out for blood. Again, he’s a native-born white guy who was raised Republican. This background has led to conjecture that he fired that shot as the opening salvo in a right-wing civil war. We’re hearing about internecine conservative plots and online mutual trolling and groypers, which is a term that I resent I had to learn.

Again, those who hate liberals will not care what the facts are or the truth of what actually happened. But painting this murder as the work of unhinged liberals is already failing because of the shooter’s profile, the swirl of misinformation, and the absence of clear facts.

For the first time, liberals can say, “That’s not what I heard” and offer up their own crazy story that may or may not be accurate.

No, that is not good for society. But it may help to keep progressives alive.

By the way, we should note that the fascist guy rose to fame by demonizing immigrants and ethnic minorities. He devoted his career to spreading hatred of “the other” and convincing white people that they were under attack by swarthy foreigners speaking bizarre languages. Until his dying breath, quite literally, he insisted non-white people were violent and dangerous.

And then a white man shot him.

That’s proving your hypothesis wrong in the most tragically ironic way possible.

Quick quiz: Who is the most dangerous man in America?

You thought I would say Trump, right?

While I wouldn’t argue with anyone who sees our mad emperor as the biggest threat to our country, our planet, and possibly life on Earth, my nominee for the man most likely to kill us all is that rapscallion of the Kennedy clan, Mr. RFK Jr.

You see, the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services is trying to end vaccines, weakening public health infrastructure, firing health experts who actually know what they’re talking about, cancelling scientific research that could save millions, and spreading misinformation and conspiracy theories that will eventually lead to Americans chugging vitamins and gurgling bleach instead of getting vaccinated. I wouldn’t be surprised if he outlawed chemotherapy for cancer patients in favor of dousing them in essential oils. 

Kennedy’s idiotic whims and hostility to science will straight-up kill people. But he is symptomatic of two of the Trump administration’s chief characteristics. 

The first is aggression toward expertise, logic, facts, or data. The monumental hubris of conservatives comes out as attacks on those fancy-pants eggheads who study things and learn things and base their conclusions on anything other than the Bible, Trump, or own made-up theories that a 10-year-old could disprove with two minutes of Google searching.

In particular, the Republican hatred of science is well-established. This is part of the larger trend of anti-science mysticismenabling autocracy around the world. Millions of supposedly rational conservatives would rather believe a babbling conman with a messiah complex over decades of scientific research. This ignorance and anger will soon cause the American scientific and technological empire to collapse.

The second “theme that unites Trump’s inept handling of deportations, his trampling on human and civil rights, his rejection of the rule of law, his dictatorial centralization of power, and his utterly inept handling of the economy is the ineptness itself.”

The problem is that Trump “has the attention span of a fruit fly,” which is “causing chaos across the federal government, as rival sycophants compete for his limited attention.”

The result is that no one is in charge, and the Trump administration is “coming apart, [and] incompetence is everywhere.” The administration can’t keep military secrets, maintain financial stability, or protect children from measles. In essence, Trump “cannot protect America.”

But hey, at least red dye is banned. So as our economy nosedives and masked fascists rampage through the streets and we die of preventable diseases, we can take great comfort in that.

“We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

— Criswell, Plan 9 From Outer Space

I have been predicting a World Series victory for my Milwaukee Brewers every year for the last decade. Clearly, my powers of prognostication are not as strong as they could be.

But you don’t have to be psychic to know that the future does not look bright for America. I’m not just talking about our crumbling institutions, vanishing freedoms, and shaky economy.

I’m talking about China, baby.

Yes, the last communist empire is getting ready to dominate the hell out of us in the coming years. Experts say “policymakers in Beijing believe they will benefit from the destruction of America’s global credibility,” and that China is “aggressively contesting the innovative sectors where the United States has long been the unquestioned leader.”

The result is that China is poised to lead the world in technology, economic strength, and sociopolitical power, leaving the USA in its dust.

But don’t you worry, the Trump administration is fighting back. For example, they are “gutting our national scientific institutions and workforce that spur US innovation.” And they are obsessing over “what teams American transgender athletes can race on, [while] China is focused on transforming its factories with AI so it can outrace all our factories.”

OK, maybe that is not so inspiring. In fact, if you were trying to throw the game and let China win, you would likely do exactly what the White House is doing.

Still, the Trump administration must have some kind of master plan to maintain America’s strength. They must possess a uniquely brilliant strategy, considering we have been told—over and over again—that they are the smartest, most competent group of patriots ever assembled. And the scourge of DEI is no longer oppressing them.

So what’s their approach to this geopolitical crisis?

No one knows.

You see, it’s unclear who is actually running this country. The Trump administration is a mishmash of morons, sociopaths, sycophants, and random dudes who just meandered in. We’re talking about people who don’t even show up for their jobs, can’t keep their conspiracy theories straight, and are woefully out of their depth. 

Nobody in the White House knows what to do, so their days are spent screaming “Illegals!” and threatening trans people. That’s it as far as insightful thinking and productive action.

This amalgamation of dullards and lunatics has prepped America for a future where the nation will be left “corrupt, stagnant, and impoverished.”

And that’s if we don’t devolve into civil war.

No, it’s not the rosiest prediction. With such a grim fate looming over us, somedays the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that this year, the Milwaukee Brewers will finally win the World Series.

You can count on that one. Trust me. 

If you’re confident that ICE will never grab you off the street, throw you into a van, and whisk you off to some filthy basement before kicking you out of the country without so much as formal charges, well congratulations on being white, because that is the best protection against such a fate.

And even that is not 100%, because ICE is now grabbing white people as well, which is an inevitable consequence of handing unchecked power to thugs and fascists who want all the power of governmental force with none of the responsibility to actually protect anyone.

Our favorite band of homegrown authoritarians “has opened a new phase in its immigration agenda, one that goes well beyond the mass deportation of undocumented immigrants.” They are harassing academics, grabbing citizens for looking swarthy, and “targeting legal immigrants who have expressed views that the government believes threaten national security and undermine foreign policy.”

Basically, they are going after anyone who annoys them, under the pretense of kicking hardened criminals out of the country. 

So now we have mothers getting abducted in front of their kids, masked men who refuse to show ID as they manhandle people who may or may not be undocumented, and armored vehicles rolling down city streets.

Meanwhile, whole communities feel terrorized, most Americans are aghast at what their government has become, and crops in the fields “are rotting at peak harvest time.”

But don’t worry about that last issue. You see, the opening of concentration camps in America means that, in all likelihood, undocumented people will soon be taken to these camps, where they will either toil as “slaves to government projects” or be “offered to American companies on special terms: a one-time payment to the government, for example, with no need for wages or benefits.”

In the latter case, “detained people will be offered back to the companies for which they were just working,” and their imprisonment “will be presented as a purge or a legalization for which companies should be grateful.” Indeed, our American il duce “has already said that this is the idea, calling it ‘owner responsibility.’”

If this does not bring to mind images of black slaves suffering in the fields of the antebellum South, then you have no grasp of history.

It also exposes the hypocrisy of conservatives who say they want to deport all undocumented people, but really just want them to keep doing what they’re doing, but under even more barbaric conditions, so the economy doesn’t collapse.

And if there aren’t enough undocumented people to perform this slave labor, what then? 

Hey, was that ICE agent who is rolling past your house looking at you? It was probably just your imagination.

Probably.

The Iraq War was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then Hurricane Katrina was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then Trump becoming the party’s nominee was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then Trump winning the electoral college in 2016 was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then the botched response to Covid was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then the January 6 attack was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then Trump winning the nomination again was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then DOGE was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then tariffs was supposed to be the GOP’s death knell.

Then…

OK, the point is that we are closing in a dozen death knells, yet here is the Republican Party, in control of all three branches of government and executing its maniacal agenda with incredible speed (although not with incredible efficiency).

Also, this theoretically moribund political movement currently enjoys a higher approval rating than its opposition.

But it hasn’t stopped political commentators from declaring, “This is really it. The death knell of the GOP is coming. We mean it this time.”

Yup, I’m sure this time it will be different.

In truth, the fight between progressives and conservatives will likely go on as long as this country exists. Of course, that might not be for very  much longer, but let’s be bold and optimistic.

There are many reasons to believe that the GOP is doomed in the long run, ranging from the dismal history of xenophobic political parties to the high death rate of the Republican base to the likelihood of right-wing implosion.

But even if the GOP goes the way of the Whigs, there will always be a remnant of lunacy in American culture. There will always be a large contingent of people who feed on fear, hatred, and ignorance. The objects of their scorn and the wars they declare will look different, but there will never be a time when progressives will sit back and say, “Everybody relax. We won.”

Consider that even if Trump literally destroyed America, 20% of the survivors would still worship him. Another 20% would turn on him, but refuse to admit that liberals were right. They would eventually go back to voting Republican (or the equivalent in a post-apocalyptic society that still allowed voting) in the next election. So even in a worst-case scenario, about 40% of Americans would continue to reject liberalism.

Clearly, there will never be a death knell that abruptly finishes off the right-wing mindset.

The fight is permanent and unending.

It’s not something to brag about, but I’ve seen Caligula, that 1970s cinematic monstrosity that is widely regarded as the most expensive porno ever made.

The film is repulsive, but it makes an impression.

One scene that I’ve never forgotten is when the mad emperor, played with wild-eyed intensity by Malcolm McDowell, saunters into a wedding celebration of one his army’s generals. Everyone is terrified to see him there, because they know he is a sociopathic lunatic. Sure enough, he rapes the bride in front of her newlywed husband, then rams his fist up the general’s ass. The whole movie is like that.

In any case, I’ve always wondered why everyone in ancient Rome, even tough military leaders, allowed Caligula to issue psychotic orders, destroy their society, and literally rape them without objection.

I don’t wonder about that anymore.

We live in a society where people with advanced degrees argue that tariffs will lead to prosperity, that white men have been unfairly excluded from leadership positions, and that European countries are bigger threats to us than Russia.

They believe this because one old man who struggles to speak in coherent sentences has insisted it’s all true, and they have fallen in line.

People who, just a year ago, would have guffawed at the idea of the United States annexing Canada are now seriously advocating for making that country the 51^st state (against its will, no less).

There are several reasons for this, ranging from the infantile need to “own the libs” to the zealotry of the true MAGA believer to the conservative quest for power.

But one of the chief motivators for hardcore supporters is psychological preservation. Admitting that you are wrong, especially about something major and/or central to your identify, is incredibly disturbing for most people.

If you’ve enthusiastically supported Trump to this point, despite years of evidence that he is a menace to the nation, it’s not so easy to say, “Woopsie, I guess those libtards were right after all.”

In fact, the individuals who are most likely to admit their mistakes “tend to be empathetic, self-aware, and curious — all traits that prevent ever having voted for Trump in the first place.”

So people in red hats with Trump flags in their yard will come up with tortuous explanations for, say, administration goons who endangered national security “by chatting about a military strike in a Signal chat that included a journalist.” 

Now, that’s a really crazy example, because nobody is that bafflingly stupid, right? But if this were to happen, Trump fans will not admit the administration displayed ungodly levels of incompetence and exhibited glaring hypocrisy. 

Hell, they will even defend the administration for deporting their spouses rather than admit they were wrong to vote for a corrupt autocrat. Think about that — even after Trump has destroyed their lives, his devoted followers will not acknowledge that the man is anything less than perfect.

Of course, there is another reason why so many people acquiesce to Trump, and that is simple fear.

But as powerful as that emotion is, it remains in second place when it comes to subservience to Trump. Fear is not the reason why Republicans are trying to “make Trump’s birthday a federal holiday, rename Dulles Airport in Trump’s honor, carve Trump’s face on Mount Rushmore, and create a new $250 bill with Trump’s likeness.”

That’s just blind obedience. And there is a lot of it going around.

I’m not a conspiratorial person. But even I have to wonder about the following scenario:

A foreign adversary seeks to bring down the United States by installing a sympathetic mole as the president. This easily manipulated doofus then implements economic plans that everyone — as in anybody with even a modicum of political, historical, or economic knowledge — agrees serves no purpose other than bringing about a second Great Depression. To be honest, it looks like the guy is deliberately trying to crash the economy.

But wait, this boorish loudmouth also lashes out at our allies and embraces the dictatorial whims of the foreign adversary. His actions undo almost a century of American foreign policy and national security within just a few weeks. Yeah, it looks like the guy is surrendering without a fight.

OK, I’m not saying Trump is a spy. But I’m saying that he could not harm this country any worse than he already has if he were actively working for Russia. Seriously, he is at maximum Putin puppet right now.

Let’s start with the tariffs, which as of this moment, are off. But check back in nine minutes. 

Even if his much ballyhooed tariffs never get implemented, the damage that this on-again off-again threat has inflicted is very real. Not content with shaking Wall Street to its core, the administration is now casually noting that “Americans are going to have to suffer.”

I guess the worst burst of unemployment since the Great Recession is not sufficient. Now the GOP wants Americans to collapse into poverty because… wait, what was the point again?

Who knows?

We’re all still reeling from the shouting match at the Oval Office, a calamity so bizarre, so grotesque that even lifelong conservatives are saying they are ashamed to be American. Trump and Vance yelling at Zelenskyy is “the equivalent of the US switching sides in WWII.”

For all our talk about being the moral center of the universe, “these are the actions not of the good guys in old Hollywood movies, but of the bad guys.”

U.S. policy is now aligned with Russia, a situation that even the most ardent Trump supporter would not have predicted in 2016. But it’s ok, because Trump has made it clear that he trusts Putin, which is “an odd statement from a U.S. president, whose loyalty is supposed to be dedicated to the Constitution and the American people.”

Meanwhile, we get the great man himself pontificating and bloviating about how he is the most wonderfulest president since Washington (and even better than him, of course) in a longwinded, meandering speech stuffed with “his by-now-standard mix of braggadocio and self-pity, partisan bile and patently absurd lies,” which only proves that “even the most unhinged of presidential speeches can seem kind of boring if it goes on long enough.”

Once again, I’m not saying the guy is a Russian spy.

But can we stop with the claims that he is playing 4-D chess or kickstarting his master plan? 

Because there is no plan. It should be obvious to anyone playing any attention that this corrupt baboon simply makes shit up day to day.

He is an easily distracted narcissist who bases US policy on his personal grievances, petty jealousies, and spur of the moment whims.

So how long will we allow a megalomanic with an insecurity complex to align America with the most bloodthirsty despot alive?

How long will we let the world’s largest economy be guided by the fluttering thoughts and bubbling rage of an erratic lunatic who has no idea of what he’s doing?

More important, by the time we finally reject all this madness, hatred, and corruption, will it be too late?

I really don’t know why all of you are freaking out.

Our tariff-loving, immigrant-hating president has picked only the most qualified, most intelligent, most principled people for his cabinet. Yeah, one of them is probably a Russian asset, another is determined to destroy the agency he is poised to lead, and another thinks vaccines are witchcraft. 

But they are all likely to be confirmed for their posts, so the Senate must know what it’s doing, right?

OK, if that doesn’t reassure you, this fact should help you sleep at night: A bunch of guys who are just a few years removed from getting drunk on prom night now have access to all your personal information, and they (and their oligarch overlord) will decide who actually gets Social Security checks.

Damn you seem nervous.

Well, that is understandable, because our seething cauldron of president and his zealot followers are frantically trying to “punch their way to a first-round knockout” by shocking and awing the hell out of the rest of us. The good news is that if we are able to withstand all this sound and fury, we may find that these right-wing lunatics are “utterly unprepared for a 15-round grueling slog” and ultimately give up, resigning themselves to endless rounds of golf and the hero worship of red-state yokels. But the “pessimistic take is that the first-round knockout might happen.”

For a metaphor that doesn’t involve boxing, let’s turn to the professor of the moment, Timothy Snyder, who writes the following:

“Think of the federal government as a car. You might have thought that the election was like getting the car serviced. Instead, when you come into the shop, the mechanics, who somehow don’t look like mechanics, tell you that they have taken the parts of your car that work and sold them and kept the money. And that this was the most efficient thing to do. And that you should thank them.”

In truth, it doesn’t matter if it’s cars or boxing. Or both.

Any comparison you can make is terrifying.