Hispanic Fanatic

So this is a first. I’ve co-written a post.

Up to this point, every article under my name has been created, written, rewritten, agonized over, and ultimately put online via the Fanatic and no one else.

However, I had the opportunity to collaborate with the very talented Louis Pagan, and I didn’t want to pass it up. The result of our efforts can be found on the Huffington Post. Please click here to see the article.

And another thing: I realized that I never linked to my new profile on Being Latino magazine. So you can check that out as well by clicking here.

In any case, this collaboration thing is pretty cool. With hope, I’ll be working more with Louis and/or other writers soon.

Of course, that destroys my whole sullen-loner vibe, but we all have to make sacrifices.

So my old friends at the Huffington Post have started a new section — one that I will probably be contributing to on a regular basis.

It’s called LatinoVoices, and it debuted today. My first article for it can be found here.

When I started this website, just a few years ago, it seemed that the only outlets for writing about Hispanic culture were my blog, the sites of a few other Latino writers, and stray manifestos that angry Latinos would hurl onto your lawn.

But now we have our own section and everything. Latino voices are indeed getting louder every day.

So go ahead and check out HuffPo’s new section. And be sure to comment early and often.

A couple of years ago, I had to a take a brief hiatus from the blog because I was recovering from eye surgery.

After my eye healed up, I foolishly thought that I would not have to worry about my vision until I was well into a bitter, memory-addled old age where everything on the body starts to go and I begin ranting about how kids today are disrespectful brats who don’t wear any damn clothes.

But that was before I found out that eye surgery weakens those orbs floating in your head. As such, your odds of suffering something as random and bizarre as say, a retinal detachment, greatly increase.

And so when I started seeing floaters and bright blue flashes, I figured that it was not God passing along visions and premonitions to me. It was indeed my retina detaching.

My surgeon says that I caught it in the nick of time. Apparently, I was about two days away from going permanently blind in one eye. If I were a traditional Latino guy who never went to the doctor, that would have happened.

But I seem to have gotten it fixed. It’s too soon to tell, but the prognosis is good.

In any case, my retinal detachment is the reason why the posts may become more irregular over the next few weeks. I’m hoping to maintain a regular schedule, but I can’t promise.

At the very least, my misbegotten retina has prevented me from attending local Latino happenings. For example, I was going to write a truly witty and insightful piece about the National Pork Board’s recent contest, where several Latino chefs got together to dazzle epicureans by showing off everything they can do with pig.

I was invited to cover this event, but I declined because I had a checkup scheduled. My doctor wanted to see how the retina was healing up, and we spent time reminiscing about how he stuck needles into my eye — good times.

So all I can tell you is that the post covering the contest would have been full of insights about the importance of food in Hispanic culture, and loaded with funny and/or poignant quotes from the winner, and layered with Seinfeldian jokes about how much Hispanics love pork. Oh, and there was going to be this truly amazing metaphor that would have singlehandedly gotten me shortlisted for the Pulitzer. Trust me, it was gong to be spectacular.

Instead, I missed it, and I’m stuck squinting at the computer.

Damn my eye.

Recently, I attended the Hispanicize business conference, where I networked with smart people, snagged some free food, and hung out (however briefly) with Edward James Olmos.

I realize, however, that my post about the conference may not have given you the full flavor of the event. In the interest of rectifying that situation (and because it makes for a pretty easy post to write), here are some of the more interesting tidbits, observations, and general oddities that I heard at the conference.

There are ten of them, but there could easily be more.

“Telenovelas are a cultural touchstone for us. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

“On the Census form, there shouldn’t be a box to check for race. There should be a color wheel, and it goes from cotton to cinnamon to black, and everything in between. And you just mark your skin color.”

“When we polled people about the top characteristic of Latino culture, ‘emphasis on family’ was number one. Nothing else was even close.”

“I tell my clients who are immigrants, ‘You’re in America now. If somebody rips you off, you say those magic American words: ‘I’m calling lawyers on your ass.’ That’s when they know they’re assimilated.”

“Whether it’s English or Spanish, language is just a tactic. It’s a means to identify a group, but it’s not an identity in and of itself.”

“Univision is now ranked among the top four networks. Isn’t that wild? I think it’s ahead of ABC.”

“Too many Latina moms approach the public schools as if they were holy temples, and they give in to whatever the principal or the teacher says. So no fresh ideas ever get exchanged.”

“That sign is supposed to read Mami Bloggers. Not Miami Bloggers. Damn.”

“Acculturation originally meant a reciprocal process, with cultures influencing each other. But now it just means ‘Give up your culture when you get here.’ It’s become a one-way street.”

“Dude, I say, ‘Let the people just be the people.’ Entiendes?”

I’ve been to a lot of business conferences. But up to last week, I had only gone as a grunt — one of those guys who represent the sponsoring company and whose job it is to hook up the PowerPoint demonstrations, tear down the rooms, and occasionally, tell the speakers what to say (yup, I’ve written a few presentations for zero credit).

So it was great to finally go to a full-fledged, hobnobbing, networking-frenzy, whip-out-those-business-cards kind of conference where I was an actual attendee.

The event was Hispanicize 2011, which may sound like a sci-fi feature about cyborg Latinos, but is actually the “premier marketing event devoted to … brand marketers, bloggers, non profits, and marketing agencies focused on Hispanic public relations and social media.”

Basically, if you write about, or market to, or spend a lot of time thinking about Latinos, you would be a fool to skip this conference. So for three days, I hit the convention floor, went to breakout sessions, and networked with my fellow Hispanics and the people who love us.

It resembled many other business conferences, in that there were plenty of people in suits, and talk about monetizing this or that, and decent swag for the taking. But few other conferences have this much hugging. Really, you can’t get hundreds of Latinos together and expect everyone to stick to handshakes. Damn it, we like to hug, professional attire or not.

This was especially true when I met those individuals who had, to this point, only existed to me as online presences, or email buddies, or frequent commenters. There is no term for the discombobulating sensation of speaking face to face with people you have gotten to know through their writing, or via their comments. It is, of course, a brand-new emotion fit for the twenty-first century, and eventually, we’ll come up with a phrase to cover it.

In any case, my main reaction was to become a bit overwhelmed at the brilliance on display. My natural cynicism couldn’t dismiss some of the great ideas I heard. And my self-confidence (or is it arrogance?) took a backseat when I talked with some of the people who are leading the Hispanic community out of the dark ages.

The last major event was a keynote speech by Edward James Olmos. The Oscar-nominated actor gave an intense, freewheeling, intellectually challenging talk that covered his belief that there is only one race (that would be the “human race”). It also referenced the Mexican drug war, the documentary Inside Job, the value of the Swiss franc, and the fact that Harvard scientists have reversed aging in mice…Really, it all added up somehow.

I met Olmos after his speech and talked to him for approximately 9.7 seconds before a Battlestar Galactica fan interrupted me. But it was ok.

I gave him my card.

Congratulations to Jules, who won the latest Hispanic Fanatic contest. She won copies of Raul Ramos y Sanchez’s latest novel, House Divided, as well as his earlier book, America Libre.

And all Jules had to do was comment on one of my many long-winded posts. What a deal…

Thanks to everybody who entered. We had a much better turnout to this contest than to the initial giveaway. This implies either that most of you are high-falutin’ literary types, or you just really don’t care for Nicolas Cage that much.

But now that we’re on a roll — two contests in one month — maybe I’ll throw another giveaway in there soon.

Until then, stay tuned for more rants.

And by the way, now you can catch some of my posts on the Being Latino site.

Click here to check out some of the other writers for this great project.

OK, so Season of the Witch is apparently not a runaway blockbuster. That doesn’t mean I’ve soured on giving out freebies to you, as thanks for reading my posts.

As such, I’m happy to announce a new contest. And this one is much more Latino-relevant.

The gifted writer Raul Ramos y Sanchez has a new novel coming out. It’s called House Divided, and it’s an epic about a Latino family.

Readers who comment on any my posts will be entered for a chance to win a copy of both House Divided and his earlier novel, America Libre.

Raul Ramos y Sanchez is an amazing writer and, I’m pleased to report, an occasional commentator on my posts. So I’m thrilled to promote his work and get more people to read him.

And as opposed to my last giveaway, this contest is open to everyone, not just lucky individuals in select cities. I don’t even have to like your comment; just post a response to any of my articles, and you’re entered in the drawing.

I will announce the winner of both books during the week of January 24. So let’s get those comments going, and good luck.

Thanks to everybody who entered the contest for Season of the Witch passes.  I’m happy to announce that the winner, chosen more or less at random, is Corinna. She will attend a special screening of the film here in LA and, hopefully, report back to us if it sucks or not.

I will resume my regularly scheduled rants with the New Year. And I hope you will continue to read and comment and rage and laugh with me into 2011.

See you soon.

Usually, at this time of the year, I take a short break from my ranting and raving to celebrate the holidays. That’s when I just post something to the blog such as, I don’t know, a video of a dog on a trampoline or the like.

Well, this year my holiday hiatus is different. Taking a cue from my fellow bloggers (most of whom are better marketers than I am), I’m running my first contest on this site.

Here’s how it works:

Readers who comment on this post (not any of the previous posts) will be entered for the chance to get passes for the Nicolas Cage movie Season of the Witch, which comes out next month.

You may ask, “What does Nicolas Cage have to do with Latino issues?” It’s a fair question, but I would point out that a dog on a trampoline has little to do with immigration reform, so let’s not overthink this one. It’s just a fun contest.

In any case, I will choose a winner at random from the commentators on this post. If we get a lot of responses, I may choose more than one, so increase your odds by commenting early and often.

The winner(s) will receive two passes to see the movie on January 6, 2011, in one of the following cities:

Los Angeles

San Jose

Chicago

Houston

Miami

Phoenix

If you win and attend the movie in Phoenix, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you oppose SB 1070.

So what should your comment be about? Well, that’s the beauty of the contest. Say anything you want.

Tell me that I’m brilliant. Tell me that I’m a moron. Inform me that all Latinos are extraterrestrials bent on world domination.

Or better yet, get into the spirit of the thing. Tell us if you believe in witchcraft. Pass along that creepy ghost story, or share if you’ve had a supernatural experience. Or you can just discuss your favorite Nicolas Cage film (mine is Adaptation).

The only thing you have to include in your comment is the city in which you intend to see the movie, so I can plan accordingly.

Now let’s get those comments flying, people. I want to give away these passes, and I can only do that if I get responses.

If you win, I’ll email the passes to you. By the way, I’m the only one who will see your email addresses (unless you specifically want to share it in the body of your comment), so don’t worry about that.

I’ll check back over Christmas to see how we’re doing, and I will pick a winner by New Year’s Day.

Until then, have a happy Festivus.

I want to thank Pipil, Ankhesen, Macon D, Cooper, Godheval, and AZHispanic for their recent comments on my posts. I hope that they will continue to read my articles as this site morphs once again.

You see, I’ve started contributing to Change.Org, an online hub for social issues and political topics. You can read my first post for them here.

So in the future, some of my posts will link to their site. Don’t worry, you won’t be inconvenienced beyond one click of your mouse. And the good news is that I will be updating the blog more frequently.

And since we’re on the subject of social change, here’s an update on one of the latest issues to bedevil Hispanics: the U.S Census. Actress Rosario Dawson and her non-profit group, Voto Latino, are mobilizing Latinos to fill out their census forms. Clearly, Dawson is more than just a pretty face.