Hispanic Fanatic

This week, millions of Americans will vote for authoritarianism, the subjugation of women and ethnic minorities, climate disaster, and possible open warfare because in their mind, doing this will magically lower gas prices by 50 cents.

But if Republicans do take control of Congress, you shouldn’t worry that they will slash Social Security. How do I know this? Well, I heard it from the same people who said the Supreme Court wouldn’t overturn Roe vs. Wade. And that turned out fine, right?

Ahem.

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Recently, I wrote about the GOP’s odds of taking over Congress and enacting its agenda of turning America into a hellish zone of desolation and despair.

OK, I’m just kidding. The GOP has no coherent agenda.  

But the desolation and despair? Yeah, that part is true.

In any case, the best chance that the Democrats have for retaining control of Congress is to convince Americans that their party is strong and capable of effective governance.

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In less than a month, Republicans will likely take over the House of Representatives. It’s possible that they will snag the Senate as well.

And then Joe Biden’s agenda—which like the man himself, has been mildly successful—will probably ground to a halt. This means that in all likelihood, we have already implemented the most progressive ideas that are going to be fulfilled, for the next couple of years at least.

That’s disconcerting, because it’s not exactly a left-wing paradise around here, is it?

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Yes, I am Latino, as I may have mentioned once or twice. But as I’ve also stated before, I am part Italian.

Now, I’ve never been to Italy, but it’s high on my list of life goals to gaze out over that nation’s windswept coasts, drink wine in a Roman palazzo, and get assaulted by a vicious crowd of fascist thugs.

OK, that last one is less of a goal and more of an acknowledgement of what might happen if I saunter down the streets of Florence, looking all foreign and shit.

After all, Italy is under new management. And its government is going old school—as in Mussolini old school. 

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I was a kid the first time I heard of Martha’s Vineyard. Someone told me that the movie Jaws had been filmed there. Of course, I wondered who this Martha was and how she owned an entire ocean that she could just rent out for filming.

I’ve since learned that Martha’s Vineyard is a destination for rich liberals, and as such, it is a prime target for those conservatives who hate nothing more than a wealthy person who has committed class treason by rejecting ethno-fascism.

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I’m part of the problem. 

OK, not me personally. But Latino men such as me—well, there are some issues.

You see, “evidence is mounting that the national political environment right now actually leans toward Democrats.” To be clear, the GOP is still favored to win the House in the midterms, but that fabled red wave might end up as more of magenta splash. 

I’m sure Republicans are wondering why their insurmountable lead has dissipated. Hey, maybe praising a sociopath who steals nuclear secrets, insulting everyone with college debt, and forcing raped children to carry pregnancies to term are bad campaign ads.

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There’s a lot that progressives don’t understand about conservatives.

Why the screaming rage? Why the celebration of ignorance? Why the disdain for all non-fetal life? Why the virulent racism, misogyny, and homophobia? Why the hypocrisy, corruption, and… ok, this list is getting way too long.

In contrast, conservatives seem to have just one aspect of liberalism that perplexes them.

Why don’t progressives wave huge Biden flags and paint their trucks with images of the president’s face?

After all, if you don’t fly a massive MAGA banner and drive a pick-up adorned with images of Trump and Jesus playing golf, are you really a Republican?

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According to promoters of American Exceptionalism, the United States has long been an outlier from other nations because of its freedom, economic opportunity, and national character of God-fearin’ tenacity. 

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Here’s how sensitive those liberal snowflakes are. Some guy in California got offended over a definition in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. How absurd. They’re just words, you wimpy, tree-hugging…

Oh wait. It wasn’t a liberal. It was a right-wing white man. And he wasn’t so much “offended” as “screaming death threats.” Yes, the guy was furious over Merriam-Webster’s entry on gender, and in his transphobic zeal, he sent multiple intimidating messages to the publisher and said the dictionary’s creators “should be hunted down and shot.”

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There are numerous disadvantages to arguing with crazy people.

It’s futile. It raises your blood pressure. And because this is America, there’s a good chance that the crazy person will shoot you.

But a frequently overlooked hazard of debating a lunatic is that, if you argue long enough, you’ll start to wonder if you’re the crazy one. Because the more the maniac digs in, the more you will call upon your rational brain and your desire to be open-minded, with the result that you’ll eventually ask yourself, “Is this guy right, and could the moon be a secret Martian base?”

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