Hispanic Fanatic

I’ve avoided saying too much about the midterm elections, mostly because the results are depressing, infuriating, and mystifying. Also, I don’t think the internet needs one more shrill voice proclaiming how Republicans are going to rape the environment just for the hell of it, burn gay people at the stake, and allow corporate CEOs to legally hunt us for sport.

Still, I have to address one side issue of this grueling election season. Perhaps its just semantics, but I have officially run out of patience. I don’t want to hear one more social conservative bellow, “I want my country back!”

There are 300 million of us living here. This is not your country. Neither is it mine, his, or hers.

It is ours.

As cheesy as it sounds, we have to find a way to live together. And exclaiming (threatening?) that you are going to claim this nation for yourself — and the minority of Americans who happen to align with your political and/or religious beliefs —  is not just selfish; it’s foolish.

After all, if you took the country, where would you keep it?

Of course, those insisting that this is “their” country are furious that so many people look different from them, or speak something other than English, or praise some other deity. This was never an issue back in those fabled good old days when everyone was straight, white, and Christian.

But the times are not a-changing. They have a-changed.

And insisting that there is some way to make it all go away, electorally or otherwise, is just a waste of time. So you can stop now — thanks.

First off, let me thank Festina, Kerstein, and Robin for their comments.

Second, let me backtrack a little by retelling the story of Cousin #6. As you may recall, he came to America when he was a toddler. When he turned eighteen and joined the Army, he assumed his application for citizenship would be fast-tracked. However, even after filling out all the paperwork and following every rule, years later he found himself on the phone talking to an INS official who insisted that he come to the office for an interview.

“But I’m on active duty,” my cousin said. “In Bagdad.”

“That’s not an excuse,” the INS official said.

Yes, Cousin #6 had entered the immigration maze.

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My cousin (actually, my wife’s cousin, but we’re all family) recently called me from London. He’s living there for the next couple of years, but he still keeps an eye on news from America. He was upset, close to apocalyptic in fact, about the upcoming elections.

“Those Republicans are crazy,” he said. “You need to write a piece telling Hispanics that they have to vote for Democrats.”

My immediate reaction was that my cousin had a greatly exaggerated impression of just how influential I really am. He was so agitated, however, that I didn’t get a chance to tell him that or my secondary issue. Namely, it’s rather arrogant for me to tell people that it’s their racial duty to vote for anybody, especially when Democrats haven’t exactly been whiz-bang in getting Latino issues to the forefront.

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I can still recite the Boy Scout Oath.

Those words, along with various patriotic slogans and wilderness-survival tips, were instilled in me during my early teens, when I was part of a scout troop at my local church.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the troop was an attempt by community leaders to nurture “at-risk youth,” that euphemistic term for minority and/or low-income kids.

Indeed, most of my fellow scouts were Latinos with brothers in gangs, or parents on welfare. They were sinewy pre-adolescents with insouciant attitudes and a willingness to start a brawl.

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My wife has warned me, for my own sanity, to stop torturing myself. But I can’t help it.

Whenever I read a news article about immigration or the dismal economy or some other political topic, I scroll down to the Comments section to see what the theoretical average American thinks about the situation.

This is always a mistake. The ratio of insightful comment to shrill diatribe is about one in ten.

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It came from outer space.

Well, not really, but that’s what a lot of people think.

The chupacabra, as you may know, is a Latin American legend. He (it?) is a vampire-like creature that attacks animals (primarily goats) and sucks their blood and/or internal organs out. He’s one scary badass.

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One of my favorite words is “internecine.” Of course, I don’t admire the concept (i.e., hostility or conflict within a group). I just like the sound of its syllables clanging together.

In any case, “internecine” describes the situation whenever ethnic minorities beat up on each other. It’s most famous application is “black-on-black violence.”

I have yet to hear about brown-on-brown violence, but perhaps it is only a matter of time. For example, a few months ago in Staten Island, a Mexican immigrant became one of the borough’s recent victims of a hate crime.

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Recently, I wrote about the smoldering embers of the bilingual education debate. For decades, conservatives and progressives have been arguing about the best way to educate immigrant children.

The debate means little, however, to those Americans who are convinced that all those tiny Juans and Marias have dragged down public education. Immigrant kids, many people claim, are perpetual underachievers and a drain on the system.

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Let me say a quick thanks to Antonio, Robin, and my old friend the Bitca for their recent comments.

Next, let me introduce the subject of today’s post: sex.

Yes… sex… sex… sex.

Sorry, I was just trying to drive up the site’s traffic.

However, the topic is relevant, in light of a recent study that looked at everybody’s favorite pastime (i.e., getting’ it on) and filtered it through a racial prism.

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It’s dangerous, not to mention intellectually dishonest, to insist that any racial or ethnic group has specific likes or dislikes. After all, in today’s multiracial society, it’s often debatable who is or isn’t a member of a certain group. And let’s not forget that such assertions, even well-meaning ones, open up the door to stereotyping.

But like most dangerous and/or offensive things, it’s also a lot of fun to do.

Recently, the good people at OK Trends did a little analysis on people who joined a dating website. The researchers looked at over a half-million individuals and divided them into groups by their self-stated race or ethnicity. The authors then “isolated the words and phrases that made each racial group’s essays statistically distinct” and posted the results.

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