Hispanic Fanatic

Here’s how sensitive those liberal snowflakes are. Some guy in California got offended over a definition in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. How absurd. They’re just words, you wimpy, tree-hugging…

Oh wait. It wasn’t a liberal. It was a right-wing white man. And he wasn’t so much “offended” as “screaming death threats.” Yes, the guy was furious over Merriam-Webster’s entry on gender, and in his transphobic zeal, he sent multiple intimidating messages to the publisher and said the dictionary’s creators “should be hunted down and shot.”

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There are numerous disadvantages to arguing with crazy people.

It’s futile. It raises your blood pressure. And because this is America, there’s a good chance that the crazy person will shoot you.

But a frequently overlooked hazard of debating a lunatic is that, if you argue long enough, you’ll start to wonder if you’re the crazy one. Because the more the maniac digs in, the more you will call upon your rational brain and your desire to be open-minded, with the result that you’ll eventually ask yourself, “Is this guy right, and could the moon be a secret Martian base?”

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For decades, conservatism was essentially a commitment to traditional values and ideas, combined with a hesitation to rapid change. Basically, stodgy old men kept society from evolving too quickly.

The benefit of this philosophy has always been lost on me. After all, what’s so noble about futilely resisting innovation while upholding harmful traditions? However, it was at least a coherent and principled approach. 

Modern conservatism, however, consists of Republicans claiming “an exemption from any generally applicable rule they do not wish to follow, while imposing their own religious and ideological views on those who do not share them.”

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The “woke mob” didn’t kill 10 people in Buffalo. 

A transgender swimmer didn’t kill 10 people in Buffalo. 

A teacher talking about CRT didn’t kill 10 people in Buffalo. 

No, the biggest menace to Americans continues to be an angry white man echoing Fox News talking points.

In this case, the justification for mass homicide was a favorite among conservatives: replacement theory. 

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I have lived in my neighborhood in Los Angeles for 12 years, far longer than I’ve ever lived anywhere else. Obviously, I love it. 

Yes, I know — according to right-wing suburbanites, there is no greater hell than California, where you can’t go a day without being carjacked by crackheads, shot by MS-13, and swallowed whole by an earthquake. Worse of all, our gas is six dollars per gallon.

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Have you ever felt disrespected?

Perhaps someone mocked the color of your skin. Or morons in positions of authority dismissed your good ideas. Or everyone laughed when you said that Avatar is a masterpiece.

Actually, check that last one. You kind of had it coming.

In any case, from toddlers to world leaders to hardcore rappers, everybody wants the same thing:

Respect.

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Some jerk cut me off in traffic today, so I chased him at high speed until he crashed. Then I pulled him out of his car, punched him bloody, and smashed his windshield with a rock.

Well, no, that didn’t actually happen. Yes, I got cut off in traffic, which is a near-daily occurrence because I live in Los Angeles. But I didn’t chase the guy. 

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Here’s some good news: We Americans are officially happier than the French. A recent report that measures happiness says the USA ranks well above France with all its existentialism, ennui, and heavy smoking. 

Ok, the Parisians have a dark side, so maybe that’s not a fair comparison. Well, how do we compare to the rest of the industrialized world? To be honest, not so great.

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With the country going to hell, nobody would get judgmental if you wanted to take the edge off. Maybe it’s a beer after work, or a quick hit on the bong, or a couple of happy pills. Regardless of the specific drug you prefer, the fact is that humans like to get buzzed, and almost every culture has a method of altering our consciousness. 

But like most aspects of contemporary life, racial and class differences are prevalent in this most basic of activities. For example, both the government and big businesses have a growing interest in the pharmaceutical, medical, and psychological benefits of psychedelics. Apparently, eating shrooms and dropping ecstasy can be good for you, at least under the right circumstances.

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Perhaps you remember the bombshell news story from a few months ago that revealed the top 1% of America’s wealthy “got way richer during the pandemic.” Yes, even as millions of citizens were begging for a few hundred bucks to alleviate the devastation of Covid-19, our billionaires raked in so much money that they were in danger of suffocating in their golden bathtubs as their servants shoveled piles of cash over them. 

Yes, wealthy people have some odd kinks.

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